Ten Potty Training tips from an Experienced Mom

Potty training is not for sissies. Nor is it for anyone who would like to maintain illusions about being a good person. Potty training will reveal to you the deepest parts of your fallen nature. 

Because of the challenges of this project, and because I've been through the ropes a time or two. I thought I would share some of my wisdom.

Elizabeth's top ten potty training tips:

1) Remember what you have taught your children about swearing. They may offer to repeat it back to you if you forget.

2) Try to find a toddler exchange and trade yours in for one who's already toilet trained.

3) If that doesn't work, try outsourcing. Is grandma nearby? Do you have any sudden need to travel extensively outside of the country without the children? Have you considered boarding school? Be creative.

4)  Use treats. If your child successfully  goes on the potty, offer a little morsel of something yummy to celebrate. If the child instead runs screaming from the bathroom refusing to use the toilet, offer the treat to yourself instead. 

5) Allow your child to run around naked. Not only does this help to keep the neighbors at bay, it also reduces the amount of laundry. Watch out for this one if it's sunny out, thought. You would be surprised at how quickly private parts burn when exposed to direct sunlight.

6) Try to keep a positive outlook. Remember things aren't that bad. At least we have bleach, running water and baby wipes. We have access to stores filled with all kinds of things, so if we need to replace a few pairs of underwear, or our entire house, it's not that big of a deal.

7) Avoid screaming. Although I still continue to test it's merits, screaming has never worked well as a tool to coerce my children into good bathroom habits. Actually nothing has, but we can definitely rule out screaming. I'll keep the tests going here and if they start to work I'll let you know.

8) Dont take yourself too seriously. It's good to laugh. If you find yourself angry with your toddler you can just think of  the fact that his baby sister used his toothbrush to play in the toilet. 

9) There is no gold prize for having a toilet trained child. Except that you don't have to change poopy diapers, but even then you have to wipe butts, take trips to the potty, help with pants that get stuck, ect. The important thing to remember is that whether it takes you one week or two years (and a box of wine) to train your child, they won't even remember. They will never thank you. They will not send a card on the anniversary of their first successful dump in the toilet. The job needs to get done and it will. Don't beat yourself up about it. More importantly, don't beat me up about it. If my kid is still in diapers at age 5 you can stage an intervention, until then, let me be.

10) There is a scripture I would like to leave you with, I believe it goes something like this , "What does it profit a woman if she gains a potty trained child and yet loses her soul." If potty training starts to lead to bouts of depression, anger or excessive hostility to loved ones, take a break, do a lap, eat a donut and try again another day. As one of my favorite moms says, "None of my kids have ever started kindergarten still in diapers."