These times are really good times. They are also really tired times.
Today, God and I had a talk. "I can't do it." I told him. "Look at all the help I need. If I was the mother I should be, I would be doing this on my own." I've struggled a lot with guilt while having the help of a nanny several days a week. I struggle with this partly because I've had some messed up theology about what a real godly woman should be. I struggle because I compare myself with others and feel ashamed because they don't seem to need help. I struggle because I feel guilty that having someone come help me on a regular basis is a luxury that many cannot afford. Mostly I struggle because I've had my eyes everywhere other than where they should be.
When I look at myself and how I fall short, it is not beautiful. When I look at others and I compare myself to them it is nothing short of sin. The only place to look and see truth is to Jesus.
So today while I was whining to God about my inadequacy and my guilt he stooped to remind me of his abundance and grace he gave to me. He reminded me of Paul's words, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."
There is really only one person to whom I stand accountable and he does not judge me. Well, he has judged me and my sentence is not what I deserve, it was bought with a price that is too precious to comprehend.
The measure of my life is - forgiven, beloved, atoned for, acceptable, redeemed, valuable, washed, whole, restored, beautiful. Thank God for his grace, it's really the only thing that keeps me going each day.
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