I wanted to write this blog, but I lack the strength. I wanted to honestly say what life is like right now, but I'm so tired. I am overwhelmed at times, but it seems so wrong to complain about how hard is to have a baby, when that is what we have hoped and prayed for these past few years. A healthy baby, thank God. An answer to prayer. And yet just so tiring.
Mostly I feel like a failure. I can't clean my house, care for my children, or even manage to dress myself in a given day. I am grumpy, tired and feel like the worst mom ever. I tell Titus, I will not be able to homeschool our children, for goodness sakes I can't even manage to keep the dog from escaping for more than a few hours at a time. He seems to take all my irrational and exasperational whining in stride (i.e. he ignores it).
Then like a glimpse of light from heaven, I remember. Grace. I have a five week old. Life will not always be like this. One day I will be able to sit down and finish a meal. One night, I will go to bed and not wake up until the morning. In the not too distant future my little Asher will be running around with his brothers, covered in dirt. It will happen too soon. He won't long be my snugly little infant, suckling at my breast in the quiet hours of the night. I try to enjoy his smallness, his baby skin, his newborn cry. These times are magical. Exhausting but magical.
I guess I'm just tired. Apparently I'm not the only one:
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