Politics and puffy eyes
So there has been an outcry from my readers demanding more updates. (Thanks mom); Unfortunately I have no cute pictures of my kids. They have had snotty noses, and been crabby. The skies have been grey, so I have no new pictures. I do have some very special pictures to share though. I found a way to get my hair to look smaller : Make my mouth and eyes bigger. I achieve that look by trying to find the most shockingly delightful surprise possible, then the face just follows naturally. This is the face I make when Titus says, " Do you see how I cleaned the whole house, brought you fresh pastries, arranged to give you a 3 hour back massage, and handcrafted the entire family a silicone wardrobe so you never have to do laundry again?"
Oh yes, back to the puffy eyes. Today felt like a bit of a weeper for me. All day I wanted to sob. (and no my husband already checked, there is no hormonal excuse for this). I just was with my boys trying to clean up the toy room and they were vile. Truly. Pulling, fighting, yelling, bickering yuckiness. I was disturbed. How could I be responsible for such awful little people? So I sobbed. That got their attention, but didn't really help much.
My word for the year is grace. And that sounds nice. It sounds fluffy like a soft pillow, but really I'm not so sure that's what it is. It comes up against the resolution of my own self to try to justify, purify, earn my way into right standing with God. My performance up against God's grace is more like a bicycle up against a concrete wall. Something has got to give. And the thing that's really unyielding - it's the Grace. Its the very nature of God, who though he was God gave himself to become man and to become a sin offering for me. He became cursed so I could be blessed. Wow.
So this year of mine, this year with me and God. This year he has labeled Grace. I think its going to be different than expected. It's turning out to look more like me falling on my face and finding out that it's okay. It's me learning that my being ok does not come from my ability to be a good mom or instruct my children in the ways of the Lord. Me being okay does not come from my ability to get x amount of things done in a day. Me being okay in fact has absolutely nothing to do with me doing anything. Me being okay has to do with my core, my very being being something so valuable that the King of Kings would lay down his crown to come and save me. It has to do with whose daughter I am. It has to do with whose hand my name is written on, whose blood was shed to pay for me, who thought I was worth dying for.
So Grace has a name. It is Jesus. Grace also has a price and it is Paid In Full. Grace has a purpose and it is our redemption. Grace has a weight and it is light. Grace has a home and we belong there.
All this time I thought that I had been there, and it's so painful to admit, but mostly I've stood on the shore. I've been there for a long time admiring the beauty, the elegant mystery of this ocean of Grace, but I see now God is calling me to go for a swim. If I'm honest it's a little scary. What does this mean? I don't really know, but I know that something wonderful awaits.
I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.
(And just for all you people watching, this could get ugly. There is a part of me that very much does not want to be humble or weak or honest. That part could be maimed for life. If that happens you may find me rolling on the floor in fits of simultaneous laughter and weeping. But who are we kidding, that's not much of a stretch)
And this is what happens when Titus sits around eating too many cookies while watching politics. :)
Oh yes, back to the puffy eyes. Today felt like a bit of a weeper for me. All day I wanted to sob. (and no my husband already checked, there is no hormonal excuse for this). I just was with my boys trying to clean up the toy room and they were vile. Truly. Pulling, fighting, yelling, bickering yuckiness. I was disturbed. How could I be responsible for such awful little people? So I sobbed. That got their attention, but didn't really help much.
My word for the year is grace. And that sounds nice. It sounds fluffy like a soft pillow, but really I'm not so sure that's what it is. It comes up against the resolution of my own self to try to justify, purify, earn my way into right standing with God. My performance up against God's grace is more like a bicycle up against a concrete wall. Something has got to give. And the thing that's really unyielding - it's the Grace. Its the very nature of God, who though he was God gave himself to become man and to become a sin offering for me. He became cursed so I could be blessed. Wow.
So this year of mine, this year with me and God. This year he has labeled Grace. I think its going to be different than expected. It's turning out to look more like me falling on my face and finding out that it's okay. It's me learning that my being ok does not come from my ability to be a good mom or instruct my children in the ways of the Lord. Me being okay does not come from my ability to get x amount of things done in a day. Me being okay in fact has absolutely nothing to do with me doing anything. Me being okay has to do with my core, my very being being something so valuable that the King of Kings would lay down his crown to come and save me. It has to do with whose daughter I am. It has to do with whose hand my name is written on, whose blood was shed to pay for me, who thought I was worth dying for.
So Grace has a name. It is Jesus. Grace also has a price and it is Paid In Full. Grace has a purpose and it is our redemption. Grace has a weight and it is light. Grace has a home and we belong there.
All this time I thought that I had been there, and it's so painful to admit, but mostly I've stood on the shore. I've been there for a long time admiring the beauty, the elegant mystery of this ocean of Grace, but I see now God is calling me to go for a swim. If I'm honest it's a little scary. What does this mean? I don't really know, but I know that something wonderful awaits.
I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.
(And just for all you people watching, this could get ugly. There is a part of me that very much does not want to be humble or weak or honest. That part could be maimed for life. If that happens you may find me rolling on the floor in fits of simultaneous laughter and weeping. But who are we kidding, that's not much of a stretch)
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