Seasons

The funny thing about seasons is that it can be hard to enjoy the one you are in if you are constantly longing for the next one.

This season for me has been a challenging one. I think the whole of motherhood is a challenge, but pregnancy through toddlerhood offers a special kind of challenge, it is the challenge of being weak, of being tired, of being spent.

I, like most people, like to feel strong and competent. I like to do a good job, be faithful, work hard. I am a dreamer, at times a perfectionist. I set lofty goals. I want to be a fantastic wife, mother and homemaker. I want to offer my kids a nurturing atmosphere of love, affection and homemade baked goods. I want to be a crown to my husband, enhancing his life with my contributions to our home and family.

Lately I am lucky if I can give my children a bowl of cereal, let alone an attentive, involved mother. My husband gets up at six and works all day, then comes home to help with the children and work around the house. Far from giving him an orderly home and my full attention, all I have left to give him at the end of the day is my sore legs for a massage.

I find myself resenting this season, and anticipating one where I am a more useful human being and can accomplish more. But is that what God has called me to?

Is there not a purpose for this season of undone chores, unsatisfied goals, and just general neediness on my part?

My parents were telling me about this teaching they had heard about who God is. We translate many of the names of God as meaning, "God is my provider" or "God is my healer" but the original Hebrew actually meant, "God is my provision" and "God is my healing". So in fact, God is not the vehicle through which these things flow - he is these things. He is I AM.

I was thinking about this in my current situation. Not just that God will give me strength in this season, but that he IS my strength. I have him and that is enough. I do not have to be or do anything to receive his provision. I just have to cling to him. He IS my provision.

Speaking of being content with the current season, I need a nap. I am a weary, tired traveler on the road of life and God is my source. I believe I hear him calling me to embrace the pillows.....