Happy Birthday Baby!

Dear Baby Belle,

I suppose you are not a baby anymore, being 1 and all. It is hard for us moms to move on. I would have put a better picture of you up here, but this is one of the few I have while you were alive. Your cute face is obstructed by my giant belly. Oh well, we know you were cute in there just the same. This has been an interesting year for me. I have felt so much joy knowing that you are in heaven with your Father. I delight in envisioning you together there, where there is no sorrow.

Right now it is hard to write your birthday letter because your brothers are playing loudly in the background. They are running around half naked, playing with trucks. They were fully dressed for church, but somehow they have a way of shedding clothes. I think your brothers would have really enjoyed getting to know you. I like to think that somehow you get to know them from your vantage point.

Judah got new cowboy boots for his birthday and Joe got some too. They look pretty cute. Honestly, I don't know if we would have bought you some if you were here. We might have been too cheap and not bought you any, considering you couldn't probably walk in them anyway. But who knows we might have splurged and got pink ones.

Mostly when I think of you, I smile. Swimsuit season was hard for me. I could hardly walk by a little pink two-piece without crying. But, your father and I wouldn't have let you were one anyway, too immodest. But maybe we would have, just for the first year or so. You don't really have to worry about modesty when you wear diapers.

I know your first year was more filled with joy and gladness in heaven that it could ever have been on earth. I just wanted to tell you that we still miss you. I know you probably can't even comprehend missing, because that is a sorrow filled emotion. I am glad that you don't have to know the sorrow of being apart. I also wanted to let you know that I am doing okay. I know it's usually always moms who worry about their kids, but just in case, I want you to know that my Papa has given me amazing grace. He has held my hand and my heart in the midst of missing you. He, after all, knows the pain of losing a child, so dear.

So, today, baby girl, we celebrate you. We celebrate your life and the impact you made on the world, specifically our hearts, which will never be the same. I am so glad you are my daughter, so glad that your life was here to share with mine for a time. For your birthday,I bought a purple butterfly necklace to wear in your remembrance (I don't know if dad approved, but I didn't even ask him first! :) We will keep it between us for now.)

So Isabelle, know that I love you. I treasure you. I miss you. Most of all know that we will always remember you and cannot wait to be reunited in heaven. All my love, Mom