For the record (32 weeks)



I can never seen to remember pregnancy symptoms from previous pregnancies. I can't actually remember much of anything from pregnancy and the infancy of my children. It's one big blurry woosh in my memory banks.

So I am making note here on my blog for future reference, should I be pregnant again, so I can remember what I felt like at 32 weeks.

I am tired. I don't really want to do anything. I don't really want to see people, although I don't mind seeing them especially if they are bringing me food. I want to be at home napping, at all time. This does not seem to happen, but I often dream of it. The naps I do get are frequently interrupted, like today when I was disturbed by the exclamation, "Mommy, there's poop on the floor." One never likes to be aroused from a nap, but especially not by those words.

My stomach is large and uncomfortable, although not painful or itchy yet. I am to the point where I would like to start wearing a giant button stating, "Yes, I know I have a child in me, and am fully aware that it is gaining in size, thereby causing my waistline to rapidly expand even to the point of making you visibly concerned for my well being. You may refrain from telling me how large I am because I live fully conscious of that fact EVERY STINKING MOMENT"

(I never finished this and now I am almost 34 weeks :)
PT 2

This last week has been great. The baby put his/her little head down so that is good. That means we are getting closer :) Last night we watched "The Business of Being Born" and I started to get really excited watching all those slippery, wiggling little creatures emerging from their mother's abdomens. We are gonna have a baby!

For some reason ( I don't know if I could change this if I wanted to) I have been reticent to get too excited about the baby. I have been trusting in the Lord and really doing my best to believe that this baby will be born perfectly healthy. Yet I know it's not a guarantee that every time you go to the hospital to deliver a baby you will get to come home with one in your arms.

I think this is neither bad, nor good, just a part of who I am. I live with the the knowledge that a healthy baby is a sacred gift. No matter that they are born everyday, every minute, all around the world. Each gift of life is a treasure, and not one to be take lightly. I hate to think of myself as jaded or cynical, but I do have a conscousness that life can be lost so easily. As easily as it is created.

So whether that makes me embittered, or just a realist, I don't know. What I do know is that I have hesitated to buy diapers, get out the cradle and wash it's sheets. I did, as an act of faith, get some diapers, wipes and all my white/yellow/green outfits and blankets out of the closet. It's hard to prepare too much until we meet our baby and can certainly identify his/her gender. :)

Overall, I just feel so very blessed. I treasure the little kicks, the way the baby responds to my touch. I treasure watching the boys give my tummy kisses and say "hello". I enjoy imagining them as big brothers to this little one. I have not been doing much in the way of, well anything, really. This has led to me getting lots of rest and feeling much better than I had a few weeks past. My sister, or friends, or Titus will take the boys for a few hours here and there so I have quite time. I have resorted to a few more frozen meals, pizza, and take-out. I have allowed laundry to pile up and dust to accumulate. Oh well. I am enjoying this sacred time that I get to grow a human. It's pretty freakin' amazing, after all :)

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