Superb - A Marriage Questionnaire
Superb, such a great word! Excellent, of the highest quality.
I would like this word to apply to my marriage and I think a great way to do that is to first apply it to my husband. Sometimes it is easy to forget that the spouse God has given us is a treasure of the highest value. There is nothing like a good healthy dose of attentive thankfulness to remind one how blessed it is to have a loving spouse.
So to help all us married women remember that, I have put together this handy little
"SUPERB HUSBAND TEST"
1) Has your husband ever fed the family dinner? +1 point
This includes but is not limited to macaroni and cheese, hamburgers on the grill, pancakes, frozen pizza, and last but not least take-out.
2) Has your husband ever saved the lives of you and possibly your children by uttering those coveted words, "Honey, why don't you go lie down while I watch the kids"? +1 point
This counts even if he is playing a video game while jiggling the baby with his toe, or if he has allowed the children to eat Oreos for lunch while you were napping.
3) Has your husband got up to go to work, worked hard, and willing provided for your family to the best of his abilities? + 1 point
*Bonus Point if he has done so for the entirety of your marriage and you cannot remember one time he has complained about it.
4) Has he cleaned up vile waste from your household, including but not limited to animal or human feces, urine, vomit, or mystery nasties. +1point
*Bonus Point if he has done so between the hours of midnight and 6 am.
5) Has he ever fetched you a pregnant craving food? + 1 point
These could range from ice cream, 4th meal tacos or a cereal breakfast in bed.
* Bonus Point if he has done so between the hours of midnight and 6am.
* -1 Point if he ever fetched you gravel or dishwashing detergent to satisfy a craving.
6) Has he ever crafted/pasted/created anything lovely or unlovely just especially for you, because he loves you and was thinking of you? +1 point.
This still counts if it was so hideous that you had to immediately discreetly stow it in the "circular filing cabinet" or hide in the closet so no one would see.
7) Has he ever given you a gift? + 1 point
This includes unconventional gifts like sweatpants, cabinetry, unwanted electronics and sweaters that do not fit.
*Bonus Point if it was a gift he himself did not need or want. For example, if he gave you a new high definition TV - no bonus point. If he gave you a subscription to Martha Stewart Living, bonus point (excepting he is the unusual sort of man who enjoys a good perusal of Living magazine, then no bonus point for him)
8)Has he ever cleaned the house while you were away? +1point
Now, now, ladies I did not say clean the house to your standards. This still counts if all the shoes were shoved into the pantry, the toys were thrown into a heap in the closet, the dishes put away in the wrong spots and only the middles of the room were swept. If there was a general attempt at creating some sort of order this counts.
*Bonus Point if there was actual real and proper cleaning done (that which had proved nearly impossible for your husband to do in your presence) and your mouth dropped open in wonder when you came home.
9)Has your husband ever given you a massage of any sort? +1 Point
*Bonus point for massaging a menstruating/excessively pregnant/exhausted wife where there is no hope for coital rewards.
10) Has your husband ever brought you anything out of sheer thoughtfulness? 1+Point
This could be coffee, flowers, a scone, a large piece of wood you were desiring, a plastic bin, whatever.
*Bonus Point if he brought you coffee AND a scone! 2 Bonus Points if the scone was from Black Tie (or substitute local bakery with best homemade scones ever if you don't live in Spokane)
11) Has he ever watched a Jane Austen movie or Anne of Green Gables with you? 1 + Point
*Bonus Point if he watched the long 5 hour version, or the whole Anne series.
12) Does your husband remain married to you in spite of your many quirks? 1+ Point
This includes but is not limited to the following obnoxious behavior:
- Inexplicable crying
- Rude behavior to the helpless dog
- Excessive wearing of robe and/or stretchy pants
- Repulsion of and yet desire to consume fast foods
- Extreme Opinionatedness coupled with the Inability to coherently express such opinions, except by dissent.
13) Does your husband praise you with words of affirmation? 1+ Point
This isn't always so obvious. Subtle examples include you finishing a task you never thought you could do and him acting oblivious until questioned and then stating, "What, I knew you could do it?" A husband who has confidence in his wife's abilities - now that is high praise indeed.
14) Has your husband ever let you choose the paint colors, much to his own horror? 1+ Point
*Bonus Point if he was humble enough to admit after it was done that you did good and he likes it.
15) Is your husband (or does he have the potential to be) an amazing dad? 1+ Point
This includes not only diaper changing and doing the famed 'daddy jiggle' but also exposing your children to the many hazards of high elevations, pointy objects, dangerous games and any activity that makes mothers cringe, but fills children with the wonder of life.
16) Is your husband your very best friend? 1+ Point
The first person you want to call to tell your news, the last person you kiss goodnight, someone who holds you accountable to chase your dreams, conquer your fears and become the best you that you can be? If so count yourself truly blessed. No amount of points is better than that.
0-10 points Crappy Husband (or see below)
10-15 points Mediocre Husband
15-20 points Quite a Good Man
20-25 points Excellent Husband
My husband scored 26 :) (He may have had a slight advantage since I created the test)
If your husband got a low score it could be due to two reasons. One, he is a crappy husband. The more likely second option is that he falls into a rare subcategory of husband who must be scored under a separate test. Examples of this are:
Husbands who stay home with their children
Husbands who write and/or read poetry
Husbands who do laundry
Husbands who write love songs
Husbands who busy expensive jewelry, fancy dinners, or frequently have flowers sent
Husbands who look good in skinny jeans
Husbands who, while worthless at anything around the house, are visionaries who change the world.
I would like this word to apply to my marriage and I think a great way to do that is to first apply it to my husband. Sometimes it is easy to forget that the spouse God has given us is a treasure of the highest value. There is nothing like a good healthy dose of attentive thankfulness to remind one how blessed it is to have a loving spouse.
So to help all us married women remember that, I have put together this handy little
"SUPERB HUSBAND TEST"
1) Has your husband ever fed the family dinner? +1 point
This includes but is not limited to macaroni and cheese, hamburgers on the grill, pancakes, frozen pizza, and last but not least take-out.
2) Has your husband ever saved the lives of you and possibly your children by uttering those coveted words, "Honey, why don't you go lie down while I watch the kids"? +1 point
This counts even if he is playing a video game while jiggling the baby with his toe, or if he has allowed the children to eat Oreos for lunch while you were napping.
3) Has your husband got up to go to work, worked hard, and willing provided for your family to the best of his abilities? + 1 point
*Bonus Point if he has done so for the entirety of your marriage and you cannot remember one time he has complained about it.
4) Has he cleaned up vile waste from your household, including but not limited to animal or human feces, urine, vomit, or mystery nasties. +1point
*Bonus Point if he has done so between the hours of midnight and 6 am.
5) Has he ever fetched you a pregnant craving food? + 1 point
These could range from ice cream, 4th meal tacos or a cereal breakfast in bed.
* Bonus Point if he has done so between the hours of midnight and 6am.
* -1 Point if he ever fetched you gravel or dishwashing detergent to satisfy a craving.
6) Has he ever crafted/pasted/created anything lovely or unlovely just especially for you, because he loves you and was thinking of you? +1 point.
This still counts if it was so hideous that you had to immediately discreetly stow it in the "circular filing cabinet" or hide in the closet so no one would see.
7) Has he ever given you a gift? + 1 point
This includes unconventional gifts like sweatpants, cabinetry, unwanted electronics and sweaters that do not fit.
*Bonus Point if it was a gift he himself did not need or want. For example, if he gave you a new high definition TV - no bonus point. If he gave you a subscription to Martha Stewart Living, bonus point (excepting he is the unusual sort of man who enjoys a good perusal of Living magazine, then no bonus point for him)
8)Has he ever cleaned the house while you were away? +1point
Now, now, ladies I did not say clean the house to your standards. This still counts if all the shoes were shoved into the pantry, the toys were thrown into a heap in the closet, the dishes put away in the wrong spots and only the middles of the room were swept. If there was a general attempt at creating some sort of order this counts.
*Bonus Point if there was actual real and proper cleaning done (that which had proved nearly impossible for your husband to do in your presence) and your mouth dropped open in wonder when you came home.
9)Has your husband ever given you a massage of any sort? +1 Point
*Bonus point for massaging a menstruating/excessively pregnant/exhausted wife where there is no hope for coital rewards.
10) Has your husband ever brought you anything out of sheer thoughtfulness? 1+Point
This could be coffee, flowers, a scone, a large piece of wood you were desiring, a plastic bin, whatever.
*Bonus Point if he brought you coffee AND a scone! 2 Bonus Points if the scone was from Black Tie (or substitute local bakery with best homemade scones ever if you don't live in Spokane)
11) Has he ever watched a Jane Austen movie or Anne of Green Gables with you? 1 + Point
*Bonus Point if he watched the long 5 hour version, or the whole Anne series.
12) Does your husband remain married to you in spite of your many quirks? 1+ Point
This includes but is not limited to the following obnoxious behavior:
- Inexplicable crying
- Rude behavior to the helpless dog
- Excessive wearing of robe and/or stretchy pants
- Repulsion of and yet desire to consume fast foods
- Extreme Opinionatedness coupled with the Inability to coherently express such opinions, except by dissent.
13) Does your husband praise you with words of affirmation? 1+ Point
This isn't always so obvious. Subtle examples include you finishing a task you never thought you could do and him acting oblivious until questioned and then stating, "What, I knew you could do it?" A husband who has confidence in his wife's abilities - now that is high praise indeed.
14) Has your husband ever let you choose the paint colors, much to his own horror? 1+ Point
*Bonus Point if he was humble enough to admit after it was done that you did good and he likes it.
15) Is your husband (or does he have the potential to be) an amazing dad? 1+ Point
This includes not only diaper changing and doing the famed 'daddy jiggle' but also exposing your children to the many hazards of high elevations, pointy objects, dangerous games and any activity that makes mothers cringe, but fills children with the wonder of life.
16) Is your husband your very best friend? 1+ Point
The first person you want to call to tell your news, the last person you kiss goodnight, someone who holds you accountable to chase your dreams, conquer your fears and become the best you that you can be? If so count yourself truly blessed. No amount of points is better than that.
0-10 points Crappy Husband (or see below)
10-15 points Mediocre Husband
15-20 points Quite a Good Man
20-25 points Excellent Husband
My husband scored 26 :) (He may have had a slight advantage since I created the test)
If your husband got a low score it could be due to two reasons. One, he is a crappy husband. The more likely second option is that he falls into a rare subcategory of husband who must be scored under a separate test. Examples of this are:
Husbands who stay home with their children
Husbands who write and/or read poetry
Husbands who do laundry
Husbands who write love songs
Husbands who busy expensive jewelry, fancy dinners, or frequently have flowers sent
Husbands who look good in skinny jeans
Husbands who, while worthless at anything around the house, are visionaries who change the world.
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