Christmas Insomnia 2009
Somewhere a child screams in the darkness. Okay it's not really that mysterious. The child is my niece and her whereabouts is the room next door. I was in here to write about the peace and tranquility of a lonely Christmas morning, but on my way into the office I ran into a 3 am gift deliverer. I was quite surprised, as I have not believed in Santa for as long as I can remember. But this gift giver was much too slim to be Santa and came in through the office door rather than the chimney. None the less I was shocked, and knowing myself, probably gasped.
This may have started a chain reaction, sending the delicately sleeping Hannahpo in the next room into more bouts of loud crying. By this time, after the shocking incident of finding the night time gift bringer in the darkness, the inevitable gasp, and the crying child, I'm not feeling quite so tranquil as I was moments before in the still silence of the living room, gently lit by gleaming Christmas lights.
But that was sort of my point to begin with. Sometimes you are relaxing quietly in the enjoyment of the moment, and then BAM you are surprised by a dark stranger in the middle of Christmas night. Or perhaps you are weaping uncontrollably for reasons not even known to yourself, then after falling asleep in a twin bed with your four year old, awaken 11 hours later to find out that life is good again. Maybe you will be flustered by family members then within hours hear a few small words that make you want to drop to your knees in thanksgiving for how blessed you are.
Okay, it is 3:15 so you can't expect this note to be fully without rambling. I just want to say that life is life. Circumstances come and go but what we choose to do about them is what life is really made of. There will always be something to complain about. There will always be something to give thanks for. I am truly thankful. So, since I like making lists here is a little Christmas Thankfulness List:
1. Jesus. You gave me the best gift. You gave me life. You did for me what I could never do in a million years. Because of you I don't have to strive, I don't have to pretend, I don't have to make myself good enough, or pure enough or right enough. You knew I couldn't and you did it for me. Thank you.
2. My mom. I will never know everything that she has done for me. In her imperfection she is perfect. You can't show me a mother on earth who has loved her children more. I am who I am because of her.
3. Chocolate. You think this sounds redundant? It's not. You see without chocolate there would be no mochas, no chocolate chip cookies, no fudge. Can you imagine such a world?
4. Emotions. They are my gift and my curse. Feeling really is a good thing, I think. My emotions help me face the reality of life. If it weren't for them I could do a pretty good job pretending that I didn't need #1. God made me with emotions, and the reality of it is they keep me running back to him.
5. That the powerful effects of coffee are not limitless. I knew if I wrote on here long enough I would get tired. So while I am really sad that I am losing enthusiasm for my list, I think it is good that I can finally head to bed. Can't wait to see all the little lambs jumping with joy .
Merry Christmas!
This may have started a chain reaction, sending the delicately sleeping Hannahpo in the next room into more bouts of loud crying. By this time, after the shocking incident of finding the night time gift bringer in the darkness, the inevitable gasp, and the crying child, I'm not feeling quite so tranquil as I was moments before in the still silence of the living room, gently lit by gleaming Christmas lights.
But that was sort of my point to begin with. Sometimes you are relaxing quietly in the enjoyment of the moment, and then BAM you are surprised by a dark stranger in the middle of Christmas night. Or perhaps you are weaping uncontrollably for reasons not even known to yourself, then after falling asleep in a twin bed with your four year old, awaken 11 hours later to find out that life is good again. Maybe you will be flustered by family members then within hours hear a few small words that make you want to drop to your knees in thanksgiving for how blessed you are.
Okay, it is 3:15 so you can't expect this note to be fully without rambling. I just want to say that life is life. Circumstances come and go but what we choose to do about them is what life is really made of. There will always be something to complain about. There will always be something to give thanks for. I am truly thankful. So, since I like making lists here is a little Christmas Thankfulness List:
1. Jesus. You gave me the best gift. You gave me life. You did for me what I could never do in a million years. Because of you I don't have to strive, I don't have to pretend, I don't have to make myself good enough, or pure enough or right enough. You knew I couldn't and you did it for me. Thank you.
2. My mom. I will never know everything that she has done for me. In her imperfection she is perfect. You can't show me a mother on earth who has loved her children more. I am who I am because of her.
3. Chocolate. You think this sounds redundant? It's not. You see without chocolate there would be no mochas, no chocolate chip cookies, no fudge. Can you imagine such a world?
4. Emotions. They are my gift and my curse. Feeling really is a good thing, I think. My emotions help me face the reality of life. If it weren't for them I could do a pretty good job pretending that I didn't need #1. God made me with emotions, and the reality of it is they keep me running back to him.
5. That the powerful effects of coffee are not limitless. I knew if I wrote on here long enough I would get tired. So while I am really sad that I am losing enthusiasm for my list, I think it is good that I can finally head to bed. Can't wait to see all the little lambs jumping with joy .
Merry Christmas!
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