Letter from a mother.
Oh my dear Isabelle Lorraine, September 28th, 2009
How I love and adore you. I am so sad that I never got the chance to know you. I know that you were beautiful. You were well loved and your arrival was greatly anticipated.
From the very beginning of my pregnancy I knew you were different from your brothers. When you kept me in my bed for the first months of pregnancy, I had the feeling you were not one to go unnoticed. You were something special.
Right now my heart aches for you. I had so many plans for us. I was going to learn to braid hair for you and couldn’t wait to see if you would have adorable blonde curls like you brother, Judah. I think so – you did have his chubby little Rush Limbaue forehead like he did when he was born. You also arrived on his birthday. So I think you two are kindred spirits. I know that he will look forward to meeting you one day.
Your big brother Joe was also excited about your arrival. He would always tell people that he was going to have a “baby seester” and proudly point to my tummy. When he learned of your death he asked where you were. We said you were with Jesus. He asked how you got there and we said that the angels carried you to Jesus. To this he simply replied, “I’m going to have a talk with Jesus about these angels.”
We had all planned to dress you in the cutest little outfits. Your aunties and grandmas had already been stockpiling darling clothes for you. I was going to make your nursery purple and brown with butterflies and lots of soft fuzzy blankets. I was going to put you on my chest in a cozy wrap and take you on long walks with your dad and brothers in the crisp autumn air. I was going to rock you to sleep in the purple rocker by our bed and wake with you all through the night to snuggle you and feed you at my breast.
I was going to tell you everyday that you are beautiful, precious and loved. I was going to try to keep you cleaner than your brothers. I was going to make sure you weren’t so caked in dirt that people couldn’t tell you were a girl – even if you played in the mud with your big brothers.
I was going to let you have music lessons and maybe even dance if you wanted (even if your dad balked at the idea). I was going to pray with you and teach you about Jesus’ great love. Thankfully, you already know about this now – and could probably give me some lessons. I am so happy you are with Him.
Isabelle is the same name as Elizabeth – just a variation. You are truly my little one and you will be buried in the same outfit that I went home in. I’m happy that you can wear it as you go to your resting place.
We had thought of a few other names for you, including Ella and Emma, maybe Esther. We were going to wait until you were born and we could look into your eyes and see what fit. Unfortunately your eyes never opened for us to see.
When you were born your daddy said with teary eyes, “she’s always been my little Isabelle.” He told me later that this was always his favorite name. He almost wanted to save the name because he liked it so much. Then he realized that would be wrong because it is your name. And as much as we miss being able to say it often and yell it in the park when looking for a child – we will always miss you more.
Your middle name was decided right as soon as you were known to be a girl – it would be Lorraine. This is after 2 very special grandmas who were both amazing women. They were both first rate mothers, lovers of Jesus, and women of great generosity and faith – women with hearts as big as Texas and arms always open to everyone. One was your great grandma on your mother’s side who was Lorraine Eastman. She is remembered as a great prayer warrior and we today are still reaping the blessings of her prayers. She was also known for her amazing kindness and gentility.
The other is your grandma, Cheryl Lorraine Hug. I really wish you could have known her. She came and held you when you were born and cried with us as we all struggled to accept the fact that you were already at home with Jesus. She is a woman who exudes the love of Christ to all she meets. If you had even a hint of the grace and love of these grandmothers, I know you are blessed beyond belief.
Little Isabelle, I also wanted to thank you for being my inspiration to write. When I was pregnant with you I began to write on my blog. You were my best inspiration. I think that the Lord has gifted me with words, but I never had the courage or boldness to step out and say so. I never thought I was good enough to consider myself a writer. You changed that by teaching me that all I had to do was be honest – the rest will work itself out. Because of you I think my one day far off dream of writing a book will someday become a reality. I will dedicate it to you.
Speaking of dedication – I want you to know that we dedicated your life to God as soon as you were born. Letting you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is not easy to say goodbye when we never got to say hello. But the Lord is giving me grace.
If I let you go back to your maker and surrender you as a sweet sweet offering to Jesus, I know that he will take good care of you. I know that then he will be free to use your life for good in my life and the lives of all those around us. If I try to hold on to you it will only cause pain.
And so, Isabelle Lorraine Hug, I release you into the arms of Jesus, knowing he will hold you close and cradle you in his arms of love. I let you go to be with our heavenly daddy – who will care for you and love you far better than I ever could. Oh daughter, for such a brief time you were mine, but forever you will be His. You are loved. Thank you for being the best daughter a mom could ever have.
Isabelle, it was and always will be the greatest privilege of my life to be your mother. You will be missed.
Love, Mom
How I love and adore you. I am so sad that I never got the chance to know you. I know that you were beautiful. You were well loved and your arrival was greatly anticipated.
From the very beginning of my pregnancy I knew you were different from your brothers. When you kept me in my bed for the first months of pregnancy, I had the feeling you were not one to go unnoticed. You were something special.
Right now my heart aches for you. I had so many plans for us. I was going to learn to braid hair for you and couldn’t wait to see if you would have adorable blonde curls like you brother, Judah. I think so – you did have his chubby little Rush Limbaue forehead like he did when he was born. You also arrived on his birthday. So I think you two are kindred spirits. I know that he will look forward to meeting you one day.
Your big brother Joe was also excited about your arrival. He would always tell people that he was going to have a “baby seester” and proudly point to my tummy. When he learned of your death he asked where you were. We said you were with Jesus. He asked how you got there and we said that the angels carried you to Jesus. To this he simply replied, “I’m going to have a talk with Jesus about these angels.”
We had all planned to dress you in the cutest little outfits. Your aunties and grandmas had already been stockpiling darling clothes for you. I was going to make your nursery purple and brown with butterflies and lots of soft fuzzy blankets. I was going to put you on my chest in a cozy wrap and take you on long walks with your dad and brothers in the crisp autumn air. I was going to rock you to sleep in the purple rocker by our bed and wake with you all through the night to snuggle you and feed you at my breast.
I was going to tell you everyday that you are beautiful, precious and loved. I was going to try to keep you cleaner than your brothers. I was going to make sure you weren’t so caked in dirt that people couldn’t tell you were a girl – even if you played in the mud with your big brothers.
I was going to let you have music lessons and maybe even dance if you wanted (even if your dad balked at the idea). I was going to pray with you and teach you about Jesus’ great love. Thankfully, you already know about this now – and could probably give me some lessons. I am so happy you are with Him.
Isabelle is the same name as Elizabeth – just a variation. You are truly my little one and you will be buried in the same outfit that I went home in. I’m happy that you can wear it as you go to your resting place.
We had thought of a few other names for you, including Ella and Emma, maybe Esther. We were going to wait until you were born and we could look into your eyes and see what fit. Unfortunately your eyes never opened for us to see.
When you were born your daddy said with teary eyes, “she’s always been my little Isabelle.” He told me later that this was always his favorite name. He almost wanted to save the name because he liked it so much. Then he realized that would be wrong because it is your name. And as much as we miss being able to say it often and yell it in the park when looking for a child – we will always miss you more.
Your middle name was decided right as soon as you were known to be a girl – it would be Lorraine. This is after 2 very special grandmas who were both amazing women. They were both first rate mothers, lovers of Jesus, and women of great generosity and faith – women with hearts as big as Texas and arms always open to everyone. One was your great grandma on your mother’s side who was Lorraine Eastman. She is remembered as a great prayer warrior and we today are still reaping the blessings of her prayers. She was also known for her amazing kindness and gentility.
The other is your grandma, Cheryl Lorraine Hug. I really wish you could have known her. She came and held you when you were born and cried with us as we all struggled to accept the fact that you were already at home with Jesus. She is a woman who exudes the love of Christ to all she meets. If you had even a hint of the grace and love of these grandmothers, I know you are blessed beyond belief.
Little Isabelle, I also wanted to thank you for being my inspiration to write. When I was pregnant with you I began to write on my blog. You were my best inspiration. I think that the Lord has gifted me with words, but I never had the courage or boldness to step out and say so. I never thought I was good enough to consider myself a writer. You changed that by teaching me that all I had to do was be honest – the rest will work itself out. Because of you I think my one day far off dream of writing a book will someday become a reality. I will dedicate it to you.
Speaking of dedication – I want you to know that we dedicated your life to God as soon as you were born. Letting you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is not easy to say goodbye when we never got to say hello. But the Lord is giving me grace.
If I let you go back to your maker and surrender you as a sweet sweet offering to Jesus, I know that he will take good care of you. I know that then he will be free to use your life for good in my life and the lives of all those around us. If I try to hold on to you it will only cause pain.
And so, Isabelle Lorraine Hug, I release you into the arms of Jesus, knowing he will hold you close and cradle you in his arms of love. I let you go to be with our heavenly daddy – who will care for you and love you far better than I ever could. Oh daughter, for such a brief time you were mine, but forever you will be His. You are loved. Thank you for being the best daughter a mom could ever have.
Isabelle, it was and always will be the greatest privilege of my life to be your mother. You will be missed.
Love, Mom
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