The secret life of food

I don't know why it came as a shocking realization but it did. I am a foodie. I have just come face to face with this reality. I live for all things food. When reflecting back upon my life, the memories that stand out the most all involve the eating, preparing, or sharing of food. What do I remember about my childhood friend, Kara? It was that she always ran to the refrigerator when she came over. She devoured our popsicles and cool whip as soon as she got to our house, because her mom had their whole family on some sugar free diet. (They were a skinny family to begin with. This was (gasp!) a health induced diet) Once her sugar deprivation had been dealt with she was free to play.

We met a lot of wonderful people when we traveled on the road. You know what I remember most about them? What they fed me. Judy in Kansas served a whole cauliflower covered in cheese and tomato sauce (a wonder!) and cherry pineapple dump cake. Bonnie made a taco salad with cubes of cheese (I'de never had cheese in such an exotic non-shredded way in my taco salad). The Rices, they always made incredible homemade hot fudge and there would inevitably be chipped beef on toast for breakfast. Yum.

My favorite thing about the Seahawk's game – garlic fries.

Indian's game – hot dogs and ice cream sandwiches.

Going on vacation – eating new food!

The fair – well where do we start here – gyros, corn dogs, chocolate covered, peanut butter dipped, candy sprinkled ice cream bars, huckleberry shakes, corn on a stick, caramel apples, elephant ears, and the list goes on. I don't feel so bad about this one though, because honestly, why else does anyone go to the fair? To rate the livestock?

 

Here is my problem. I am almost 4 months post baby and approximately 20 lbs overweight (according to a calculation I did in the back of a magazine once). I have tried to remedy this with frequent exercise. This has only served to make me hungrier. Since I started trying to lose weight, I have gained 5 lbs. (Okay, so I threw in a Hawaiian vacation complete with the first non-chewy fried calamari I've ever tasted, and calorie filled, umbrella wearing beach drinks). The harder I work out, the more I eat.

I heard a sermon while we were visiting City Church in Seattle, which really resonated with me. Pastor Judah Smith was talking about a new way to be human. Basically he was talking about living under grace. It was a good and timely message (also very humorous and I recommend checking out the pod cast if you are interested). So many times when it comes to eating I just want to do something drastic in my own strength, like cutting sugar completely out of my diet. (Now that I am putting this all together I see that this might have roots in my childhood, Kara's mom what have you done to me!)

Then I try to live without sugar and I become sad. I know I should be more spiritual, but I am not. I want to make chocolate chip cookies together as a family, but alas, I must be good. I wish to have friends over for dessert, but no one really wants to come over for sugar-free health cookies (I trust anyone with a grandmother has tasted these). It's just not the same as saying, "Why don't you come over for some homemade apple pie."

 

Anyhow, I am learning to rely on God's grace. He even cares about these things. Instead of making myself a rule of what to eat or not eat, I am asking God to help me, to be in relationship with me. I am trying to steer our diet toward whole foods, basically stuff I can pronounce. I am recognizing when I eat for reasons other than hunger (which is a lot!). Mostly I eat because I want to. I think if I can get past the idea that God is standing by, holding a club, waiting to smite me for my weakness, I will be okay. I am learning to live loved, because that is what I really am.