Rough Day

I don't know how to tell you about my day yesterday without whining. It was a rough day, and quite honestly, I feel like whining about it. But I'm not sure that would be helpful. Basically, I felt a cold trying to get me, I had run out of grace for my children (the original bearers of the cold), who had all staged a coup to overturn nap time. The baby was making schooling difficult with his needy baby ways. The toddler was making schooling difficult with her whiny toddler ways. (Whiny? I wonder where she gets that from). Add to all this a relational conflict that I was not dealing well with. By the time evening came, I felt a bladder infection's early arrival signs, like the cherry on top of the cake.

Sometimes I get like a small animal backed in a corner and just start going crazy. I worry, I get anxious. I fester. I know God's word but I have yet to make it real in my life. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7 The bible says to submit to God;
not submit to feeling like a failure, not submit to feelings of worthlessness, not submit what others think of you. Submit to God. Why is that so hard?

Submission does not always come easy, the saying that His way is higher than ours. It grates against the flesh and sometimes leaves a wound. (It's merely a flesh wound). If you are hurting in this rasping of the soul against the ways of heaven, you might be experiencing one of the greatest blessings of homeschooling. As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another and the closeness that comes when we can not get away from people for one single moment only serves to usher us into the presence of Jesus (or  a mental hospital, but hopefully Jesus).

Why am I sharing all of this? I guess you could say it's my testimony. I'm living in the fiery trial and I'm learning to lean on Jesus. I'm failing a lot, but his grace is always there to pick me back up. In fact he knew all about the ways I was going to mess up when He chose to love and save me and give his very life for my redemption. It's such a beautiful story, such a messy, painful, beautiful story that I wanted to share it with you.

God's word says that his power is perfected in weakness. That's not metaphorical weakness. It's real, actual, gushing-blood, snot spilling over, sweat pouring out, there's no way I can do this weakness. That's when He shows up in his power and says, it's okay. You don't have to. I already did.